Batman & Robin
If you were to go up to any critic, Average Joe movie-goer, or even a professional Hollywood filmmaker and asked them what triggered their love for film, a good percentage of them will tell you of a single particular film from their younger days. Unfortunately, I cannot pick just one. So for the next five reviews, I will discuss five very different films that, each in their own way and for better or worse, made me what I am today as a movie-lover, all culminating in my favorite film of all time.
For me, Batman & Robin has several distinctions. It was the first comic book film I ever saw and thus served as my introduction the live-action world of Batman. As a child, it showed me a wildly cartoonish world that I decided was the foundation to a good comic book film and thus any chance I had at enjoying Tim Burton's films went down the sewer drain. And finally, it's the first film from my childhood that, upon revisiting, made me wonder just how stupid I was back then.
Joel Schumacher and company have taken one of the most beloved superheroes of all time and given him an outing of such stunning awfulness that it makes Fantastic 4 look like The Dark Knight. Batman & Robin plays out like an episode of the old Adam West serial from the 60s, which, suffice to say, delivered more grittiness than this. The entire film is a stage for maniacally over-the-top special effects and cringe-inducing one-liners. To be perfectly honest, it can result in occasionally uproarious comedic value, but beneath all that, Batman & Robin is a travesty.
Everything, repeat, everything in this movie is completely, undoubtedly, 100% as far from a proper superhero film as Uwe Boll is from Steven Spielberg. The story, the script, the acting, the stunts, the costumes, the cinematography, the direction, EVERYTHING is a colossal mess. From Chris O'Donnell's horrendous opening line "I want a car" to the final shot of the newly formed trio race towards the camera, one can only wonder, what was Warner Bros. thinking?!
George Clooney steps in to replace Val Kilmer as the Caped Crusader and delivers what was and still is the worst performance of his career and the worst performance ever given in the title role of a superhero. He lacks the diversity of Bruce Wayne/Batman that Michael Keaton and Christian Bale accomplished so effortlessly and delivers each of his lines in a careless "what did I do to deserve this?" fashion. "Ahnold" steps in as Mr. Freeze and gives the best performance in the movie, which of course, still isn't saying anything. Schwarzenegger is appropriately over-zealous, but Freeze is written as a pun-spewing imp of a villain that makes you never want to hear the words 'Ice Cold' again. Uma Thurman is sexy, yes, but like everyone else is only working for a paycheck. Her Poison Ivy lacks the true psychotic nature of most female villains and her costume is waaaayy too cartoony. Which brings me to the topic that everyone has been asking since the film's release in 1997: What's with the nipples on the batsuits?
Joel Schumacher knows neither how to shoot or stage any action scene of any sort. The opening hockey match in the museum is downright laughable. Batman spinning through the air and surfing down the dinosaur's neck. Cable work has never been more obvious. The camera work is no better. I could say that Batman & Robin suffers from Battlefield Earth syndrome, but that would be inappropriate as this came out three years before Battlefield Earth. Every exterior shot is framed in the infamous Dutch angle and it's never once necessary. Thankfully the interior shots don't resort to such, but they do suffer from possible the worst screenplay ever written. Is this really the same man who wrote A Beautiful Mind? Akiva Goldsman, WTF?
But the overly childish tone is the film's real dilemma and it's a problem emphasized the most in the dramatic scenes involving Alfred's illness. Not only is it an insult to Michael Gough, the only Batman veteran left in the film, it gives Alicia Silverstone more time to talk and I was fed up with that after her first scene. The rest of the film just feels like a cartoon in live-action with beyond ridiculous set designs and painfully dull action. I understand the studio wanted a more light-hearted tone, but it's no reason to make a straight up KIDS movie. As Roger Ebert stated about Batman Returns, "the PG-13 was a joke". The PG-13 here is the real joke.
So I think I've said enough. This is easily the worst comic book film of all time. Batman & Robin sent the Batman series into a coma, but us fans can rejoice in the new life that Christopher Nolan has since given it.
For me, Batman & Robin has several distinctions. It was the first comic book film I ever saw and thus served as my introduction the live-action world of Batman. As a child, it showed me a wildly cartoonish world that I decided was the foundation to a good comic book film and thus any chance I had at enjoying Tim Burton's films went down the sewer drain. And finally, it's the first film from my childhood that, upon revisiting, made me wonder just how stupid I was back then.
Joel Schumacher and company have taken one of the most beloved superheroes of all time and given him an outing of such stunning awfulness that it makes Fantastic 4 look like The Dark Knight. Batman & Robin plays out like an episode of the old Adam West serial from the 60s, which, suffice to say, delivered more grittiness than this. The entire film is a stage for maniacally over-the-top special effects and cringe-inducing one-liners. To be perfectly honest, it can result in occasionally uproarious comedic value, but beneath all that, Batman & Robin is a travesty.
Everything, repeat, everything in this movie is completely, undoubtedly, 100% as far from a proper superhero film as Uwe Boll is from Steven Spielberg. The story, the script, the acting, the stunts, the costumes, the cinematography, the direction, EVERYTHING is a colossal mess. From Chris O'Donnell's horrendous opening line "I want a car" to the final shot of the newly formed trio race towards the camera, one can only wonder, what was Warner Bros. thinking?!
George Clooney steps in to replace Val Kilmer as the Caped Crusader and delivers what was and still is the worst performance of his career and the worst performance ever given in the title role of a superhero. He lacks the diversity of Bruce Wayne/Batman that Michael Keaton and Christian Bale accomplished so effortlessly and delivers each of his lines in a careless "what did I do to deserve this?" fashion. "Ahnold" steps in as Mr. Freeze and gives the best performance in the movie, which of course, still isn't saying anything. Schwarzenegger is appropriately over-zealous, but Freeze is written as a pun-spewing imp of a villain that makes you never want to hear the words 'Ice Cold' again. Uma Thurman is sexy, yes, but like everyone else is only working for a paycheck. Her Poison Ivy lacks the true psychotic nature of most female villains and her costume is waaaayy too cartoony. Which brings me to the topic that everyone has been asking since the film's release in 1997: What's with the nipples on the batsuits?
Joel Schumacher knows neither how to shoot or stage any action scene of any sort. The opening hockey match in the museum is downright laughable. Batman spinning through the air and surfing down the dinosaur's neck. Cable work has never been more obvious. The camera work is no better. I could say that Batman & Robin suffers from Battlefield Earth syndrome, but that would be inappropriate as this came out three years before Battlefield Earth. Every exterior shot is framed in the infamous Dutch angle and it's never once necessary. Thankfully the interior shots don't resort to such, but they do suffer from possible the worst screenplay ever written. Is this really the same man who wrote A Beautiful Mind? Akiva Goldsman, WTF?
But the overly childish tone is the film's real dilemma and it's a problem emphasized the most in the dramatic scenes involving Alfred's illness. Not only is it an insult to Michael Gough, the only Batman veteran left in the film, it gives Alicia Silverstone more time to talk and I was fed up with that after her first scene. The rest of the film just feels like a cartoon in live-action with beyond ridiculous set designs and painfully dull action. I understand the studio wanted a more light-hearted tone, but it's no reason to make a straight up KIDS movie. As Roger Ebert stated about Batman Returns, "the PG-13 was a joke". The PG-13 here is the real joke.
So I think I've said enough. This is easily the worst comic book film of all time. Batman & Robin sent the Batman series into a coma, but us fans can rejoice in the new life that Christopher Nolan has since given it.